Nothing crazy- not even clips, just look at images here and there to ease my desires. I found myself knowingly feeling guilty thinking, "what would Allah SWT think of me, what would my husband think of me?" I masturbated. I couldn't pull my hands away from my body, and finally when I did, I decided to watch a few clips. Okay, so this is the second time around that we're having to live without one another, and then around last week I did it again, but I did something worse. As a matter of fact, I felt so upset that I called my husband and confessed to him and he said it's okay, "just repent to Allah SWT, I know you feel guilty, He'll forgive you, InshAlllah." Later, once I had gotten a hold of myself, he said "don't think I'm not up set with you, I'm very disappointed, I'm just trying to not make it any worse for you than it already is." I never did it again- that is until now. ![]() I knew that I shouldn't, but I just couldn't keep myself away so I opened up a website and found myself thoroughly disturbed. So a few weeks later, I was up late night at on the laptop, everyone was asleep, and Shaitan got the best of me. But he occasionally jokes around with me about him having watched it, (and that's fine- it's great that he can open up to me and stuff), but that just made me wonder what it was like- as I've never watched porn. So in that time I was alright, and this is the second time.īut the thing is that a few months ago, he confessed to me that he watched pornography BEFORE we were married, and he said that he no longer watches it (and Alhumdulillah, I believe him). And then I had to come live somewhere very, VERY far away (as in we only see one another through a computer screen for 6 whole months). We were together for 3 months after marriage, in which time we used to get intimate. However, the issue is that we're still very young, we're both students (I'm just 17 and he's only 20!) and so we're currently in a long distance relationship. And might I just add that, Alhumdulillah, my husband is a wonderful guy and he's very loving, caring and accepting of me as a whole, MashAllah. ![]() Alright, where do I begin? So last year I got married, Alhumdulillah.
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